How to Get Into an Accident!

After a few months of driving on a constant heavy traffic highway, I have came up with my very own methods on how to get into an accident! I am so thrilled to share this with you cause it seems like everyone is practicing it (well, maybe just 90% of them). It is apparent to me that my friends practice it too! They do seem pretty comfortable doing it. Anyway, here is a few ways on how to get into an accident. No, really, it is about how to get into an accident. 

Note: The numbering does not indicate the level of success rate of getting a car accident, only as a reference of the list. 

#1 Floor the pedal!

Floor the pedal means having to step your foot on the pedal and press it till it reaches the floor of your mat. What does that do? Well, that will increase the rate of fuel combustion, making your engine pistons to run in an extremely fast manner and increase the speed of your car. You shouldn't really care about the driving limit anyway, what can a board do to stop you? It's not like it will chase after you, really. And if an officer did caught you in action, there is always a way to settle. Oh right, do not mind the other drivers on road as well! They should be the one that gives you your way. After all, why should you care about others?

#2 Break the light indicator stalk!

It is not likely that you will be using it at all, so why put an extra weight to your car? Just break it off and tear it apart! Indicator sucks, boo!

#3 Troll others with your light indicator!

Doesn't matter if you are going to turn right, just keep your indicator blinking on the left! It is so fun to troll others sometimes and if they hit you, tell them you used the indicator. "I got use the indicator-leh" is the statement to win all statement. You win! Or or or, you can have your indicator blinking all the time and have others to guess which route you will actually turn while you were just gonna drive straight! Troll success!!!

#4 Drive with ego!

You are an egotistical person, and you gotta show it to others man. You are never wrong. Others are always at fault cause you are the man of the road! Show them a middle finger if they disagree. They can't step down of the vehicle and chase you anyway. If they did, just hit them-lah. Show them who is the boss. 

#5 Drive at the emergency lane!

I need to get back home early or my wife is gonna kill me. See? That is real emergency! I got to use the emergency lane and cut all of you off. What if an ambulance had to use the emergency lane? Oh it is alright, the patient is gonna die anyway. I am still very much alive and kicking and need to get back home to my scrumptious dinner! If the emergency lane is jammed, I will just cut back into the normal lanes by force and pretend nothing happen. Nope, I didn't use the emergency lane. No I did not, no no.

#6 Cut the Qcumber-lah (queue)!

Many of us do this. Everyone did this. Heck, I should do it too, right?! Why other people can do I cannot do? Where got fair, right or not? I am not killing anyone or setting people's house on fire, I am just cutting the queue-mah. Where got wrong? Give me chance-lah, tomorrow I promise I will follow the queue (fingers crossed). You don't give me cut, I force my way in-loh and make a poker face when you looked at me. My car Proton Wira 13 years old scrap declared by the government, yours is the new BMW 9-series. Who win? You don't give way then you die, I die, everybody die!

#7 Screw the double lines!

Got double lines? Screw them. I do not know what is the use of those lines anyway, I bought my ways in during the Undang test. Double lines means you may change to the other lanes, only slowly right? Broken white lines means you can just change to that line with your normal or top speed, right? Yes! If I'm wrong, refer #4.

#8 And yes, my father own the road!

"Your father's road ah?!?!" - Yes, this IS my father's road. You blow? I like to drive how then how-lah. Why should I even care about you or any other drivers. I drive gentle, people cut me. I drive rude, people still cut me. I gotta drive like its my father's road then only people start giving ways to me. 

_____________________________________________________________________________

If anyone still hadn't realise what I am trying to convey here, you are probably a good driver. Probably. Please drive with courtesy and employ the spirit of giving way. It is not always bad to stop and give way to others.  

All photos are not taken by me, so the credits go to their rightful owner. This post serves as a reminder to all the drivers out there and should never be used as a guide to really get into an accident. If you cannot detect the sarcasm, it is not my fault.